The intense pain that some parents carry so deeply within them is often invisible. Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day is observed on 15 October—an opportunity to stand silently alongside the bereaved, whether we know them or not.
The loss of a child is shattering, especially when this life has barely begun. Losing a child in pregnancy through miscarriage or at stillbirth, or shortly after birth, leaves the parents feeling numb and empty, unable to grasp what has happened. The idea of welcoming a life that then ends so quickly and unexpectedly brings with it unimaginable sadness. But it is precisely in this darkness that faith can be a source of hope.
Invisible pain – lasting love
In many families, the loss of an infant child remains invisible to those around them. For the parents concerned, however, their child is unforgettable. The baby’s room has been lovingly furnished and plans have been made for the future. The joy that the parents wanted to share with their child turns into sadness.
If this loss occurs at an early stage of life—as a result of a miscarriage—it is possible that outsiders may never even be aware of it. The parents’ grief is therefore often a silent and lonely grief. And in cases where others are aware of the loss, it is often difficult for them to understand how intense the longing of parents can be for a child they will never able to hold in their arms. Reactions such as “Life goes on” or “You still have other children” cause hurt and reinforce the feeling of powerlessness.
Like stars in the firmament
For parents who have lost their child in this way, faith can often be an anchor in stormy times. “God sees the invisible, hears the unspoken, and understands the incomprehensible.” These words reflect the deep comfort that faith can give. Even if the life of an infant was so short, it is seen, heard, and loved by God.
“Weißt du, wie viel Sternlein stehen” (Can you count the stars that twinkle in the sky?) is a German lullaby and may not be known elsewhere, but its message is universal and touching. In simple words, the song describes that God knows, counts, and lovingly preserves every little star in the sky.
Hope that goes beyond death
The New Apostolic Church imparts the belief that death is not the end. The belief that the soul lives on after death provides comfort, especially in moments of deep pain. “God created man as both a physical and spiritual being (that is with a spirit and soul). The human body is mortal, whereas the spirit and soul are immortal.”
In addition to the pastoral care provided by the Church, there are numerous initiatives that accompany parents who have lost a child through miscarriage or at childbirth on their journey of grief. If it helps them, parents can share their stories there, speak with others who have made similar experiences, and learn that their grief is seen and heard.
Remembering the baby in this way can have a healing effect. It enables parents to keep the memory alive of a child they were often only able to hold briefly, and to give her a place in their lives and hearts.
A wave of light
Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day, which is observed every year on 15 October, has its origins in the USA and Canada. It was established by an initiative of affected parents. The day includes candle-lighting vigils at 7 p.m. local time. While the candle goes out in one time zone, another is lit in the next time zone. This “wave of light” symbolises the bond that unites people in their grief.
This day of remembrance is intended to raise awareness of pregnancy and infant loss and make society as a whole aware of it, and make the invisible grief visible in the public arena. For most of the families affected, there is no need of a reminder: grief is part of their lives.
Because the smallest footprints leave the deepest scars.
Photo: AkuAku – stock.adobe.com