Between openness and caution 

Through loving support, open communication, and clear boundaries, children learn to build trust—while also recognising when caution is needed. 

It is Oscar’s father’s birthday, and he is celebrating with family and friends. During the party, one of his father’s colleagues comes over to Oscar and begins asking him many questions. He feels uncomfortable. Does he really have to answer all the questions of someone he hardly knows? In which situations can—and should—children set boundaries? How can they remain polite while also expressing their own needs? Children learn through their experiences of interacting with their parents and other people. What can parents and other caregivers do to help children develop healthy trust while also learning to recognise when caution is necessary? 

Seven factors that build trust 

• Being a role model: Adult caregivers should demonstrate that they are trustworthy and reliable. 

• Being reliable: When adults act consistently and keep their promises, children learn that reliability is possible and build a foundation of trust. 

• Communicating with respect: Open and sincere communication encourages children to share their feelings and voice concerns. This helps them to develop a sense of whom they can trust and whom they cannot trust. 

• Showing love: Children who feel loved and valued develop healthy self-esteem, which acts as an important safeguard against manipulation. 

• Setting boundaries: Children should be encouraged to establish healthy boundaries and to recognise when others cross them. 

• Identifying dangers: Children need to learn to recognise potential dangers and risks and understand how to respond appropriately. 

• Encouraging strengths: When caregivers recognise and nurture a child’s individual strengths, they show the child that they are valued just as they are. This recognition helps children build strength of character, to set boundaries, and to stick to them. 

Photo: tuan12 – stock.adobe.com

About the author 

Natascha Wolf is a teacher and principal at a primary school. She has three children. She is also a Sunday School teacher and conductor of the district children’s choir in Rottweil, Germany.