Growing up and learning patience 

“It’s time to do good!” This year’s motto is especially relevant for our children.  This time the question is: How can children learn to wait?

“When is Christmas?” or “Can you help me?” Children usually expect an immediate response to such questions. A parent’s answer such as: “Soon” or “Wait a minute” does not satisfy them.

When a three-year-old asks when Christmas will be, adults should be specific and not use the word “soon”. From a child’s point of view, “soon” refers to a period of a few seconds to a maximum of two minutes.

Or the question: “Mummy, can you help me?” The mother should not answer with “in a minute” but should explain why she cannot respond immediately. For example: “I have to finish writing the email and then I will have time for you.”

It is not sensible to fulfil every wish of a child immediately, because they should learn step by step, and in an age-appropriate way, how to deal with postponing their needs. The ability to wait is one of the most important developmental tasks. Only those who possess it can regulate their emotions and consciously exercise self-control.

Seven tips for teaching children to wait

How can educators help children learn to wait in a fast-paced world characterised by immediacy?

• Start small: If a child has a wish (for example, for a book from a high shelf), she can wait briefly until it is fulfilled. The older the child gets, the longer the waiting time can be.
• Understanding the reason: Parents should explain to children why they cannot act immediately (for example, because they are finishing another activity first).
• Clear time specifications: Instead of putting the child off with “in a moment” or “wait a minute”, it is better to be specific: “I will be with you in five minutes.”
• Visualise waiting time: Time is difficult for children to grasp. An hourglass or a stopwatch can help them to correctly estimate waiting times.
• Do not interrupt challenging tasks: If a child is trying to complete a task, adults should not intervene immediately if they see that the child is struggling. Wait until the child asks for help and only then help.
• Practise waiting while playing: Board games teach children to wait their turn.
• Be reliable: For children to be able to endure the wait, they must be able to rely on agreements being honoured, that is, that Mother actually has time for them after writing the email. If such agreements are not kept, the child learns that waiting is not worthwhile.

Photo: Digital Bamboo – stock.adobe.com

About the author 

Natascha Wolf is a teacher and principal at a primary school. She has three children. She is also a Sunday School teacher and conductor of the district children’s choir in Rottweil, Germany.